He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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