i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
