I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
