So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
