He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize