How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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