Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I touched a dick in church today
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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