i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
