Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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