Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he thought i was a dude.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
