OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
another moral hangover. fuck.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
