You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
