youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
too bad you live with your parents still
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
