O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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