You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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