When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What a dumb baby whore.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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