Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
