If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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