I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
