is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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