am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
please come you make the beer taste better
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
