If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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