Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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