Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
