i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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