Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
