Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize