if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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