K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
