it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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