Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
