When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
