My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My penis needs a shock collar
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
