I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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