I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
