Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
