Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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