I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
