My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
