you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
