I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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