Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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