I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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