it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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