Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
