she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
