I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am midnight drunk by noon
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
