Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
