Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
