At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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