and you said cock pushups were impossible
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
