Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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