Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
