Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
