apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
