I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
