ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize