sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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