I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
